Pitchfork Media is the current platform for all those aspiring Mallermes of the musical milieu. But I'll let The Onion take it from here. My favorite bit is the last paragraph:
Still, most analysts agreed that the impact of Pitchfork's scathing review of music will be dampened by the 2.4 rating it received from Pitchfork staff writer Dave Maher just moments after the initial critique was published online. Maher termed Schreiber's assessment of music "overwrought, masturbatory posturing intended to make insecure hipsters feel as if they're part of some imagined elite beau monde."